Have you ever been pregnant or known a pregnant woman?  Have you noticed their glow?  I have never met a pregnant woman who did not glow!  Sometimes you even know they are pregnant before they know they are pregnant because of that glow!  I believe that is God-given and part of the whole physiological process that the body goes through.  It is the Lord’s natural way to announce pregnancy!

What if that glow was unseen and no other signs were noticed?  That was me at ten weeks pregnant.  I had woken up in a pool of blood and rushed to the emergency room.  I did not know I was pregnant and had been teaching step aerobics twice daily; low and high impact.  When I learned I was hemorrhaging from a tear in the uterine wall I was placed on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy.  I had a fourteen-month old son to care for, so my church stepped in to help.  There was a rotating shift from 2-4pm daily.  The church members would bring dinner and help with things I could not manage around the house.  It was such a true blessing to be wrapped in such love and support. I prayed a lot those days. My faith grew deeper.  I was determined to take good care of this babe as this pregnancy was an answer to prayer.  A prayer of hope.

When I hit 20 weeks into the pregnancy it was ultrasound day!   I arrived just a tad early for my appointment.  I was giddy inside!  This pregnancy was a surprise with a hard start, and yet still a sign of hope. I was feeling good.  It had been a fulfilling experience so far and now I was going to see this baby the Lord had entrusted to my care through ultrasound imaging.  Woohoo!  The technician got underway and we chatted as we examined him from toe to head, quite literally.  She identified all appendages, that he was indeed a he, and that he had a strong heart and lungs.  Then we moved to the head and she became quiet and very focused.  The room suddenly felt cold and then she excused herself.  I was now shivering and confused.  She came back in with my OB/GYN about a minute later and he said there was something on the ultrasound he wanted to show to us and explain.  He moved the ultrasound wand over my son’s head and marked the parameters of a 6mm cyst/tumor (he called it both) in his head.  My doctor proceeded to explain that my son would likely not survive the birth or would die very soon afterwards from shock due to the pain from the growth in his brain.   He said the pressure from the mass in his brain would intensify as he grew.  I was advised to terminate my pregnancy for the “well being of the fetus” and for my health.  I was being asked to abort my child!  He said he would step out of the room till I made a decision.  Time seemed to have stopped and all I could see was the glare from the screen of the ultrasound machine on the dark wall; an absence of anything.  The lights were still turned way down and my whole world seemed dark.  I could feel the tears well up inside my eyes.  I wanted this to be a very bad dream, but then I snapped back into reality.  I wanted away from this place faster than I could get dressed.  I left without talking to my doctor.   I was in absolute shock.  My son had a 6mm growth in his brain and I was just advised to end his life.

The range of emotions that ripped through my body included rage, fear, sadness, defeat, and then there was courage.  I wanted to change doctors, but did not because after praying with several people, it was evident that I should stay with this doctor.  So I did.  My next visit was awkward.  However, my doctor did not address the topic of terminating my pregnancy again, he stuck to the typical questions and evaluation with each visit.  I was very thankful.  Weeks of prayer from friends and family near and far were lifted for the mass to be gone even after the day he was born.

My son was born a month early, at 36 weeks, weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds and 14 ounces, and was 22 inches long.  His birth was easy, fast, and quiet.  My water broke at 8 a.m. in the hospital, he was born at 8:23 a.m. with only one push and one labor scream.  Then, silence.  My heart raced in wonder… was he alive or had he died?   I prayed for peace and comfort no matter what the outcome.  Then a warmth like a cozy blanket wrapped around me and a rush of peace came over me. I smiled, closed my eyes, and rested.  About fifteen minutes later, the nurse laid him in my arms and he nursed.  My son had been born a meconium baby and had inhaled it into both lungs.  The umbilical cord had wrapped around his neck twice.  There was a lot of suctioning and cleaning.  But, he was alive and showed no signs of distress.  At six week the scan for the cyst/tumor was completely gone!  My son has no evidence of any brain growth abnormalities to date and he is soon to be twenty-four years older and a very successful young man!  

As he grew, we spent time at a local park and I made friends with another mom who frequented the park.  Unknowingly, I had befriended my OB/GYN’s wife.  This was discovered on a play date with our sons at their house.   I had previously shared my faith story of my son’s health.  While awkward initially, this encounter was not a coincidence.  It was a life changing event.  My OB/GYN, his wife, and son began attending our church.  I cannot say where they are today, but the Lord used this to touch their lives for His glory.

My son is a miracle child!   He  is the result of prayer and much faith in the One who created him.   Life and death are not mine to choose, they belong to the Lord.  He has orchestrated every life for a purpose that we do not know.  Graham has touched many lives in a beautiful way.  He has been the voice of reason for addicts, the calm voice to a thief, the informing words to a broken hearted parent and grandparent, a trustworthy friend, and a solid brother.  His life is evidence that others lives would not have been touched in the same way had he not been born.  

The next time you see the glow of pregnancy on the face of a woman, pray for her, for the child she carries, for the father, for the lives this pregnancy will touch, and for those who will partake in the prenatal care and birth of the baby or babies.  The Bible is clear that children are to be looked upon as a blessing, not an inconvenience. They are a reward from God! Truly, children are a gift from God.

It is my prayer that if you are or know someone who is pregnant that you/they will choose life for your/their child; that this child will be a light in the darkness for the glory of the Lord. 

If you are barren, or have been impacted by abortion and would like a listening ear or the opportunity to share your story, please reach out to me via email in the CONTACT section of this website.  I am here for you and can also connect you with women who have walked these roads.

Joyfully Healing from the Inside Out,